The Egg and the Ego

Isinulat mo sa palad
Para di mo malimutan
Pero matapos ang ilang saglit
Naghugas ka ng pinggan

Sinubukan mong ikwento
Sa isandaang tao
Ansabi mo sikreto
Kinabukasan nasa dyaryo

Bakit ganun
Bakit ganito
Andaming tanong
Katiting na talino

Kahit paano
Kahit sino
Di naman kayang
Lunukin ng buo

Gumising kang nakangiti
Ang araw ay nasa’yong mga labi
Sinuklay ang buhok, hinabi-habi
Laking-gulat, may tae ng butiki

Ayaw nang sumubok
Ayaw nang kumatok
Kaya naman nakatunganga
At sa buhay ay nasusulasok

?

*dahil nga hindi ko magawa

Matagal ko talagang pinag-isipan kung magpo-post pa ba ako dito. Nung mga nakaraang araw kasi bigla na lang akong naging absorber ng iba’t ibang reaction tungkol dun sa nakaraan kong blogpost. I didn’t know that they read my blog, or was it just a perfect coincidence?

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung paano magre-react when they give me messages like: "Bro, nabasa ko yung blog mo…" or "Ades, ano yun?" Sa totoo lang, gusto ko ng burahin yung post na yun right after may magtanong sakin tungkol sa mga nilagay ko dun. I mean, I am really trying hard not to overrate the topic. When I posted it I wasn’t thinking about it’s going to be a big talk of the town. I was just thinking of putting it there just like any other topic I’d choose to talk about. Pero, pero. Hay. Why did it turn out to be like…this?

Actually, hindi ako naiinis or what. I just feel absurd kasi parang hindi pwedeng hindi big deal when I speak about…yun. Kung anuman yun. Dahil hindi ko na nga siya mabanggit.

Nahihiya ako. Natatawa. Naiilang. Nagsisisi. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ko ba talaga ginawa yun. Sana hindi na lang pala. Sana akin na lang talaga. Akala ko kasi may pribado pa ring espasyo dito sa Internet. Akala ko pwede ka pa ring magtago. Hindi pa rin pala. Unpredictable nga. Wah. Ayoko na. Gusto kong iuntog ang sarili ko sa pader, para subukan kung makakalimot ba ako. Pero hindi naman ganun kadali yun.

Anyway, sa mga taong nabahala, nagulat, natuwa, naasar, nahiwagaan at kung anu-ano pa, hindi ko alam kong anong isasagot ko sa lahat ng mga tanong ninyo or sa lahat ng mga reaksyon ninyo. Pero isa lang ang masasabi ko: alam ko na responsable ako sa lahat ng mga kilos at salita ko. Hindi ko na yun buburahin. I have to know a way to handle that. Paninindigan ko yun. Paninindigan ko na naisulat ko yun dahil yun ang gusto kong sabihin. Paninindigan ko na kahit gaano ka-cliche, na-express ko ang sarili ko. On the other hand, hahayaan ko lang na lumipas ang panahon. Hahayaan ko lang na makinig ako sa lahat ng iba pang gusto niyong sabihin. Okay lang, I will not be offended. Really. This will be the last time that I will talk about it, and cut off what we all think as ‘the big deal’.

At ngayon, Jayson just reprimanded Mak and me to ‘give considerations’ (He was about to sleep while we were arguing about the blog thing, creating guffaws and all kinds of noises which, of course, disturbed the guy). Yeah. Consideration. Let’s give one another consideration. Here’s the bottom line: What I wrote there was really bothering me at that time. C’mon, we’re human. We fit right in to these kinds of experiences. And still for me, the topic is dead serious. I was serious when I wrote that and I still am while I’m recalling what I wrote there. But don’t get me wrong. I would give you the benefit of the doubt. I’d consider everything cool. No one gets hurt. And no one will because we will all try to forget about this and move on. That’s the happiest part.

So yun. Overrated no more. It will end here. That will be my last say on the topic. No more questions will be entertained. No more cheesy statements like this. No more.

If I’d talk about this stuff again, maybe one day. But not here. I learned a lesson and I’d always stick it on my head. Maybe somewhere. Maybe sometime. The season is back. Here me say again: "Wala tayong ganyang season."

Period.